Don't You Cry Tonight

I pre-appologize for the somewhat depressing tone of this blog entry but sometimes you just gotta get something off your chest in order to put your mind at ease.

 "Can I make a song request? Something heavy and angry...I have a lot of frustration to beat out tonight", I asked tonight's spin instructor. "Sure, I've already made the playlist but I'll see what I can do", she replied, and turned away to begin class.

All week long I've been a massive ball of anxiety. I'm someone that typically lives in a constant state of stress because I take things very seriously, get frustrated and disappointed easily, and generally expect a certain standard of perfection when it comes to life, people, work, etc. that of course no one or thing ever lives up to. I've been like this for as long as I can remember and in general I think a small amount of stress is actually a good thing. In fact, when the brain perceives physical or psychological stress, it starts pumping the chemicals cortisol, epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine into the body. Instantly the heart beats faster, blood pressure increases, senses sharpen, a rise in blood glucose invigorates us and we're ready to rock. Stress is like a burst of energy; it's our body telling us what we need to do. Full disclosure: I stole those exact words from an article I found on www.msnbc.nbc.com.

Typically, whatever stress I've accumulated over the day I let go of in the gym each night. It's when stress becomes anxiety that I have a serious problem on my hands...and this began over the weekend. The source of my anxiety isn't worth mentioning here. The point is that after about 5 days of this, I feel like my chest is about to explode. You know when you're in the middle of an intense run and your heart is racing and you're gasping for your next breath? Well imagine your heart is wrapped tightly in steel wire and its pounding against your chest at about 500 RPMs. Oh, and you're sitting still, doing absolutely nothing to provoke it. And your mind is racing so fast that it's making your heart beat faster and faster and it hurts and there's nothing you can do about it. That's what I've felt like these past few days. In all honesty, I could probably benefit from a Valium or two but I prefer to fix my issues without drugs (prescribed or otherwise) and that is what led me to the best spin class of my life tonight!

Like I've said before, what divides an average workout and an exceptional workout for me is the music. Little did the instructor know, but when she chose a playlist that included songs like Pink Floyd's "Money" and Guns 'n Roses "Don't you cry tonight", she was basically designing the class just for me. Those are my two favourite bands OF ALL TIME ...and I've always said that one day I WILL marry Axl Rose haha :) Hearing his heavenly voice crooning "Talk to me softly, there is something in your eyes. Don't hang your head in sorrow, and please don't cry" was honestly all I needed out of the class but then my real treat came. Godsmack's "Keep away" starts pounding through the speakers and I think she turned it up several notches just for me. I pushed through that song, heart pounding, like it was my sole purpose in life to make it to the top of that hill despite the fact that I had to peddle through quicksand to get there. My quads were angrily protesting the entire time but I ignored them. I know I'll be crippled tomorrow and possibly the day after too but it was totally worth it. "Keep Away" was the last song of the class and the next few minutes were spent stretching out to the tune of Tom Petty's "Don't do me like that". I mean seriously, did this girl read my mind?!

I'm by no means "cured" now but that one hour was the best hour I've had all week and I'm so exhausted at least I won't have any trouble getting to sleep tonight. On my drive home while in somewhat of a trance I found myself on an empty stretch of Washington Avenue and I floored it. I don't even recall what, if anything, was on the radio at the time. I think my adrenaline was still so high from class that it didn't much matter. It's probably not the best/safest idea in the world to let it rip in a dark 30 mph zone but it felt soooo good! Plus, its always a good idea to test out your brakes once in a while, right?

I came home and opened the door to my happy, bouncing ball of wiggles, Mugsy and it reminded me that there are still some loving, good-intentioned, loyal beings in this world. Well, at least one anyway! Here's to having many more amazing workouts in my near future but hopefully not needing one as badly as tonight. 'Til next time Gym Rats...